Identify Evil Martial Artists!

EVIL

Evil lurks everywhere! It is important to know when your opponent is an evil martial artist and how to identify their evil martial art. Just as I talk about fighting off evil fencing a-holes, which are probably very easy to identify aka 16th century swords, 16th century garb and a 16th century mustache, it is also necessary to pick up characteristics of evil doers.

First, just as I mentioned above. You should be suspicious of anyone with a mustache and slanted eyebrows, hipsters included. Nothing is more evil than a mustachioed villain!

After you have determined you are facing an evil hipster or other evil martial artist, you should look for is the type of martial art clothing your opponent is using to determine the fighting style. The type of clothing is the next dead give away. Here is a list of Martial Arts and their clothing styles:

• Karate - Japanese Karate practitioners tend to wear all white robe and pants with no shoes. Evil Karate bad guys tend to wear black.
• Vovinam - Vietnamese Vovinam practitioners wear all blue robes and pants with no shoes.
• Savate - The French Kickboxing art of Savate showcases Spandex, lots and lots of spandex. If you come across someone with spandex you are facing an evil savateer or an evil 80s aerobics instructor. So be careful in either case.
• Muay Thai - The Thai art of Muay Thai features bright colored short shorts, no shirt, and rope hand wraps.
• Kung fu - The various Chinese Arts of Kung Fu tend to either wear silk pajamas or bright orange robes.
• Tae Kwon Doe - The Korean art of Tae Kwon Do features the all white robe and pants, but with shoes as opposed to karate's no shoes.
• Military style - Camouflaged clothing or camo for short, can easily be confused with a redneck's camo shorts

Any sort of dark uniform is generally associated with evil!

Your evil hipster is most likely wearing a combination of spandex and short shorts. I know what you are asking yourself, "what if your opponent wears normal clothes?", well if the garb isn't a dead give away. Then we have to look for the various martial arts stances utilized.

• Karate, Kung Fu, and Tae Kwon Doe all have a similar crouched position with the left hand out front of the face and the right hand near the waist.
• Southeast Asian styles like Muay Thai and Bokator are on their toes squared up towards the opponent with both forearms protecting the face.
• Savate and Boxing have a slightly turned stance with more of the shoulder facing the opponent with hands near the face.

Anytime an opponent uses the words in association with their martial art, like forbidden, dark, evil, poisonous, venomous, then I am pretty sure they are evil too.

So to recap the four areas to help you identify evil martial artists are mustache, evil clothing, stance and evil style. Let me know what you think helps you identify evil martial artists.

(Corresponding Podcast)

-Dwight